Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Scott Rants AGAIN. XMAS EDITION!!

Oh it has been so long... so long since the ancient power of rant has been unleashed upon the world. For far too long it has remained dormant... sleeping in the bowels of my vocal chords smoldering volcano, just waiting to explode further in a fiery all enveloping explosion of venom, dousing the lands in a cacophony of raging hatred. You get the picture.

1. PEOPLE WHO WHISTLE.

Goddammit stop whistling!! It seems every fucking where I go these days, be it on the bus, out for a walk, into the mall to do some Christmas shopping, there is a plethora of absent minded dullards strolling through their feckless existence whistling. Whistling fucking tunes they make up in their pea brained minds that only serve to demonstrate that they should not attempt to get off their Unemployment Benefit by becoming a musician. As soon as I hear the shrill tones of some tool come sauntering by with his retarded bird song impression, I first want to shove ipod speakers in my ears, and if none are handy I want to sacrifice my very hearing itself to God in exchange for a promise to fry these dickheads with holy lightning bolt vengeance. STOP WHISTLING.

2. Christmas Family Gatherings.

Oh dear sweet lord no. Apparently the universe despises me about as much as I despise whistlers and thus has conspired to place all of my fun relatives half the world away and leave me with the absolute dregs. And when I say dregs, I mean the type that will ensure a 4 hour conversation piece dealing with nothing but the state of Auckland roads, credit cards and their relative merits and which flowers go better with which God forsaken house fuck knuckle paint. Oh and let's not forget that old chestnut of "Gee Scott, what are your plans for the future?" My only plan for the future is to not end up like you, asking some poor young boy who is sitting there yearning for the sweet embrace of death what his plans for the future are.

3. Christmas Family Gatherings not accepting my topics of conversation.

Yes, this is a follow up. So I TRY my damndest to submit a list in advance of what I would like to talk about at Christmas. AND NOTHING ON THE LIST EVER COMES UP. I mean, surely Christmas is a time when EVERYBODY should be happy. Thus, I demand you pacify me by agreeing to an indepth discussion on psychic phenomena, the mind body problem or at fucking least the relative merits of the My Dying Bride discography.

4. Those people you have to buy presents for because they're going to get you something, but you also know the thing they're getting you will be fucking almonds or some shit.

Damn you leeches. You are like parasites, sucking at the very outer limbs of my life, clinging on just tight enough to force me to spend my time buying you inane things to compensate for the fact that you'll likely get me almonds, which I wont eat anyway. Seriously, FUCK ALMONDS. Or maybe to mix things up, this year you'll give me a voucher instead, for all you can eat Almonds at the Almonds Shop (aka Lucifer's Throne). Now take this awesome present I broke the bank for you and be thankful that I am such a better person than you.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

PhilosophOWNED

I love it when people presume that you're stupid. You know, just because you look a certain way or have a certain quirk people just think you're an uneducated moron. It's really the highlight of my day whenever someone gets that "I know you're a moron" tone in their voice when talking to me... because then I just whip out one of the old time classics.

Something the lines of "So what do you make of Alvin Plantinga's reformulation of Anselm's Ontological Argument? I find it an excellent undertaking in modal logic and a brilliant addition to the theistic repetoire of arguments." And then they get that stupid look on their face that tells you, yes, they just got PHILOSOPHOWNED!!!

Try it yourself next time this happens to you. It's neverending good times.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Scott's Survival Guide to Current Worldwide Doom

In case you haven't been paying attention... there is a hell of a lot of doom going on lately. Sharemarket doom, US economy downgrade doom, London rioting doom and let's not forget the criminally overlooked continuing Fukushima radiation meltdown doom and underreported mass random deaths of fish and birds doom!! With all of this doom erupting worldwide, it can be hard to know what to do... luckily your hero is here with a survival guide. Fuck that Bear Grylls fuckwit, he isnt fit to shine my survivalist shoes. And they always need shining, because I just do so much SURVIVING. Surviving the likes of which YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. Let's do this thing.

1. Sharemarket Doom.

I am currently reading an article about a share broker leaping from a 3rd story window after the Dow collapsed like a sack of shit on Monday. That guy could have really used this guide. But yes, the economy sucks and we're likely heading towards some variant of great depression THE LIKES OF WHICH THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEEEEENNN. PANIC PEOPLE PANIC!!! Oh right... I'm supposed to be calming people down. Well there's good and bad news on this. The bad news is... yes you are going to lose everything. But the good news is, McDonalds is considered too big to fail and will be bailed out by the government!!! WHOO!!!! So here is my guide to surviving financial doom. Head to Mcdonalds and spend your now worthless life savings on the new Government Big Macs, now will 6000% more xanax, prozac and mind controlling chemicals!! Then you will be so much of a zombie, financial doom will be the last thing on your mind. See, this is why they pay me the big bucks.

2. UK Rioting Doom

The last few nights the dishevelled youth of the UK have been taking to the streets and basically burning and pillaging. Either this is some large orchestrated 'Remember the Vikings' history celebration or they're just pissed and want to destroy things. Your guess is as good as mine. I'm just here to help you survive it not play collective fucking psychoanalyst. Well the first step is simple. Don't be in the UK. I have it fairly good authority that people not currently in the UK are safe from the UK Rioting Doom. If you are one of those poor sods stuck in the UK well your situation is a little different. Still survivable of course, but different. In that case, go pull on your best torn hoodie smear some dirt on your face, go out in the streets and bellow in some English accents some anti society speech. But be sure to mispronounce half your words and never use any word with more than 2 syllables otherwise they'll KNOW YOU'RE A FRAUD. By doing this you should fit in fine, and since the police are doing all of fuck all... you should be able to pocket some sweet electronics and designer clothing while you're at it!!

3. Fukushima Radiation Doom

Yes, even though the media on this have gone as silent as a whore in church, radition doom still happening, and is getting worse. This will surely bring Godzilla. But lucky everyone... help is at hand!! According to the Japanese Government, radiation is actually good for you. Of course!! Why couldn't we have seen this earlier?? All those mutated babies and high cancer rates from Chernobyl were just fear mongering media disinformation! What they weren't telling you was all the super healthy babies with rippling abs, perfect hair and massive genitalia that were being born!! So basically nothing to see here, no need to tell you how to survive this, because surely it will be a better world when millions of people have extra limbs, green skin and a new language consisting of grunts, gargles and groans. A new utopia of mutated freakiness. And Godzilla. Good job Japanese Government, you really saved me some work on that one.

4.Mass bird and fish death doom

If you haven't heard of this... obviously you have been living under a rock. Or in McDonalds, eating some of those chemical depressant Big Macs. Since the start of the year, masses of birds have been randomly falling out of the sky dead and millions of fish have been washing up dead everywhere worldwide. Some great calamity is striking down the avian and fish populations!! My personal theory is that the Earth's magnetic field is fucked, but since if that were true, I'd have to write another whole entry on how to survive magnetic field doom, I'm probably wrong. So... how to survive fish and bird death doom. Go to a store, purchase an umbrella, deploy it wherever you go. Some birds have sharp freaking beaks and plummeting headlong out of the sky into your uncovered dome will surely result in brain damage. The umbrella will at least slow them down somewhat, so the only brain power you'll lose is your ability to remember the whole last 6 months. And I saw what fucking debauchery you got up to... so that's probably good news.

And the world breathed safely again... doom averted.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

My Hero is an old gray philosopher

http://www.closertotruth.com/participant/Alvin-Plantinga/77

Videos of perhaps the greatest and most influential living theistic philosopher delving into questions about existence. I'm more than okay that my idol is not a super hot pop starlet, mountaineer, politician or sports player, and I can listen to my idol speak about modal logic, the necessity of God and brushing aside opposing arguments with barely the batting of an upraised gray eyebrow. I love you Alvin Plantinga :P

Sunday, June 26, 2011

What a weird ass dream

I was some sort of superhero figure, although one with hardly any renown whatsoever from what I can gather. I came across a gang of miscreants on a speedboat racing into shore. They plowed it onto the beach right through some unsuspecting swimmers and came to a stop. They all got out and went to a cliff overlooking the water where a giant purple humanoid water beast which is apparently their leader emerged from the depths. I decided that I needed to fight and defeat this water beast so I flew into the air and began to rain down energy blasts (more like energy pellets onto the thing, which submerged beneath the waves.
Strangely I had the knowledge that I wasn’t going to beat the thing, but it wasn’t going to kill me either and the goal became merely to put on a good show before it pretended to finish me off(maybe me and the water beast had some sort of deal on the side, I only know what it felt like at the time). I summoned some larger energy blasts and fired them from high above down into the water creating awesome gushing fountains blasting into the sky. I could never make the blasts quite as big as I wanted to though, which is symptomatic of any dream where I have powers that I’ve ever had. I got off one good blast right into the creatures mouth which wounded him and caused him to cough gunk from his throat all over me. There was one really weird part where I was so high in the air, like unbelievably high from earth standards clinging onto a pillar that jutted out from somewhere and thinking that if this wasn’t a dream I’d be sure to fall off here and die horribly. Weird sort of dream within a dream moment there.
The waterbeast eventually caught me and I formed an energy blast over its mouth as it drug me around. The next part skips out and I find myself back in the woods with an axe. Strange. Oh well, first good dream I’ve had in a long while!

Any interpretations as to the deep revealed meanings from my subconscious of this dream? :P

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Great Europa Expedition (Part Two)

When we last left our intrepid journey I did a lot of boring crap that I dressed up as interesting using fluffy language. This will continue in part two. :P

All of my wildest dreams came true as I went on THE LONDON DUCK TOUR. I WAS ON A DUCK!!! A FREAKING DUCK!!! WHOO!!! For those of you living in some myopic hellscape for the majority of your hideous earthbound existence a duck is an amphibious vehicle suited for both sea and land transport that was the same ones they used in the D-Day invasion of Normandy during World War Two. Unfortunately this time I did not get to gun down a horde of Nazis, have my arm blown off and still manage to crawl valiantly through enemy lines until the enemy commander stood over me, and I reached with my only good arm to pull the pin of a grenade on my belt, detonating us both and lauding me as the hero of heroes for all time. I didnt get to do that... but instead I threw some rocks at some old ladies from the duck as they were ambling along the street. So pretty close.

The guide on the duck was sent down from heaven solely for me. His commentary consisted of a bunch of genius information, gleefully intertwined with ridiculous overusage of big words and English nerd diction like 'social dystopia', 'sanguine' and 'the twilight of a fading democracy'. Needless to say I'm lucky the duck went in the Thames at the end because it disguised my need for a change of pants.

The next day I proved my complete dominance of the London underground by navigating four changes of tube lines from Shepherd's Bush station to Clapham Common. You will not listen to anybody else on this matter but me, and I fucking owned that son of a bitch. That day involved me wandering through the largest mall I have seen in my life, I walked around for 2 hours and apparently only covered a third of it. Notable stores I saw beyond the eternity of clothes and shoe shops which all kind of blended into a haze of endless commercialist sludge were the Disney store, the Card Heaven store, the Carphone Warehouse and the Antique vases featuring German Shepherds store (P.S: One of these stores is fake. Can you guess which one? :P).

Yesterday I journeyed to All Star bowling lanes, a classic American style 1950s bowling lanes and diner. In the 2 games we played I unfortunately managed only second place when Nicole decided to play the game of her life, knocking over pins in a precision frenzy akin to the soldiers who rushed in and popped Bin Laden (or so they would have us believe... :P). She ended up with the crazy score of 128 while I languished on 111, which is one sixth of the devil's number for some reason.

Today the unholy hell of Crohn's kicked in and forced me to stay in languishing in my own lack of energy and soreness. Lame :P Well those are the 'haps' as they would say on the street. Stay tuned for more lame adventures dressed up in wordplay next time!!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Great Europe Excursion Part One

Yeah well that flight sucks. I really can't get across how much that flight sucks. 3.5 hours from auckland to Sydney Australia, then 2 hours wait there. 14 hours Sydney to Dubai, then 4 hours wait there. Finally 7 hours Dubai to London for a quote total of 30.5 fuck off hours of which I probably actually slept about 3. Whoo!!

Anyway, since I just woke up from a 13 hour sleep from my first night in lovely Battersea London (just around the road from some lovely street gangs and hovels apparently according to Nicole :P) this first part will not contain that much actual excitement. It's just laying the foundations if you will for all the excitement to come.

Well, Dubai airport was pretty huge, and pretty goddamn expensive looking. Basically it looked like the god of consumerism and materialism had a giant wank and splooged the airport all over the place. However, I kind of liked it. That might be the 14 hour flight beforehand talking, but maybe even I have a certain fondness for over excessive shiny flatulence. I also continued my McDonalds world tour that I began when I was last in Europe 3 years ago (ate the golden arches in London, Germany, Ireland, Czech Republic, Austria and Slovakia then :P) by adding Dubai to the list. Dubai Mcdonalds impressed me greatly, instantly rocketting into the top 3 international McDonalds I have ever tasted :P

So basically, the flight sucked, and I almost died. Today I am going to Borough markets or words to that effect, where I will likely be exposed to Nicole's fiendish shopping antics and the rest of me will be finished off. Hopefully you'll see a part two... if not, you'll know what's happened. :P

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Love children.

Love Child Number One:

Juelles Chester
Can we name our love child Dreamz? You know what I'm talking about.



Scott Lovesy You give me a love child and believe me, you can name it whatever you see fit ;)

Juelles Chester I'm just kidding, he was already born and I already named him Dreamz.

Scott Lovesy Two questions... one... does he have to have the 'z' on the end?? ;) And two... does he have my eyes?? If not, I'm going to require another one.

Juelles Chester I am truly disappointed you would even inquire about the "z". Yes, that's what's going to make our son stand out. He doesnt have your eyes but he does have your wicked sense of humor and a baffling obsession with watching trashy reality shows about people stuck on islands and such.


Scott Lovesy As long as he doesn't inherit his mother's Jersey Shore obsession... I'm down. ;)


Juelles Chester Oh no you diiiin't!!!!! Gee whiz.


Scott Lovesy Uh oh... now you're going to increase demands for child support ;)

Love Child Number Two:

Scott Lovesy
Can we name our other love child that you left over here with me 'The Little Situation'?? You know what I'm talking about.

Scott Lovesy I just want to take him to a ball game, let him get lost so that the ground announcer has to say "I've got a little situation up here".

Juelles Chester Not gonna lie, I totally laughed my ass off at that last sentence. I can't believe you guys even have TV over on that island.

Juelles Chester My father is going to read that post and call me in five minutes to say .. WHATS THIS SITUATION ?!

Scott Lovesy It's a little situation ;)

Scott Lovesy Oh God Yes... someone frame this comment thread for future reference!!

Juelles Chester In addition I'm mildly horrified that you've had him over there for so long and still havent given him a name. Typical Kiwis!!!!

Scott Lovesy Well to be honest most of the time I have him up in the attic and I kind of forget he's there. I do feed him a bowl of fish heads once a week though.

Juelles Chester Haaaahhhhhahahahahahaha, you are so awesome. I'm really happy I know you.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Pop Tart Cat: A Philosophical Discourse

First... watch the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yJgwwDcgV8

ALL OF IT. TWICE. Now return to me.

The constant movement of the Nyan Cat through space represents the futility of the human endeavour. Ever onwards we progress, yet seem to only find the same poorly rendered CGI life experiences as before. The rainbow trailing behind represe...nts our hope, and the fact that our nostalgia is always making our past experiences appear better and brighter than they were as we plow onwards into the nothingness ahead. The Poptart represents our inner need for spiritual sustinence. There is a part of us that longs to sup delicately at a spiritual body that nurtures us, and sets us free from this languid myopia. The cat is our inner feline... always curious, yet never knowing what the fuck is truly going on.

Finally, The constant accelerated repeating of 'Nyan' sounds is reminscent of the level of discourse that society operates on, so many words being shot out into space from all over the planet, yet all saying the same thing... 'Nyan' which is actually ancient Judaic script for 'Nothing'.

Ask and You Shall...

Ask and you shall who fucking knows.

From my experience you probably have somewhat of a higher chance of adding the word 'receive' to the end of that sentence. Although not much of a higher chance. However being a) good looking, b) comformist or c) having a nice fake smile and some store bought charm and social skills probably helps. Doing things spontaneously for others doesn't. Trust me. :P

However, don't ask and you're pretty hosed. Trust me I know. The last time someone did something spontaneously I was probably a developing zygote being fed juicy goodness through the umbilical cord. I don't remember asking for that you see. Although it's possible that I may have and just not remember it. What's the moral of this story? Noone gives a fuck, and it might be a good idea to stop pretending that they do.

Jeez I hope nobody reads this.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Many Thank Yous

Okay bear with me guys, this one will be somewhat long and involved. Do you know the single number one thing that people in this world do not do enough of? Tell people in their life that they are awesome. There needs to be more of this... and so I'm starting a trend. In the dark hours of my sickness and sadness, I am writing this to make myself and hopefully others feel better :)

First and foremost... I want ZERO attention paid to the order of the names. If you know me well you should know that ranking people in any way, shape, or form is not something that I believe in. And second of all, if you read this and talk to me, I want you to only comment on YOUR entry and not the entries I have given to others. Cause if you ask about any one but your own... I ain't going to elucidate :P So without further ado... here is my list of thank yous. And just cause this thought popped into my head, just because I'm doing this doesnt mean I'm going anywhere or changing anything in my life!! You still have to put up with my useless ass!! :P And please note, that I am mostly including only those who I know have a good chance of reading this. Hang not your head in shame if you are not mentioned, because I do love you too. Bank on it.

David Stewart: For being the aptly named Rock for so many years. For being someone I always could have the faith would be consistent, unwavering and still right there with me if we hadnt seen each other or talked for one day, one month, one year or one century. For putting up with my weird ass crap on a regular basis. For being awesome, and treating me the same every day when I needed consistency the most.

Ashleigh Stewart: For giving me the regard, the time and the awe inspiring care and trust that I never dreamt I would receive. For letting me help, and for making me feel like my presence meant something. For being perhaps the only one on this list that I know I dont have to write anything about here and they would still know everything I could ever say to them and have it not be a surprise.

Nicole Lovesy: For making me feel like the fact that we both have the same last name doesn't matter at all and that we would be best friends regardless. For all the effort you put into understanding my weird ways and for the amazing job you have done in accepting everything I say or do. For the times I could forget everything and just laugh mindlessly at random crap. Living in this mind is a 24/7 job, thanks for blowing the horn and giving me my breaks.

Ben Lawrence: For defining what it is that a friend should be, even when I was an ass and not knowing what the hell I was doing. For being the well needed other dimension to me for so many years, for your involvement in being there and helping create some of the best times of my life, don't think I don't know, remember or appreciate every last one. And of course, for agreeing with me on the grand percentage of my philosophical positions... that always helps endear me to someone :P

Ben Cook: For taking the piss out of me on a regular basis!!! haha That is only half kidding. But seriously, for being perhaps the only one who has been there or thereabouts consistently for 10 years now without any lapses, fights or breaks. It takes someone special to put up with my ass for that long. Keep hammering me buddy... you know I need it... otherwise I might start taking myself seriously ;)

Lisa Couzens: For being the beautiful, genuine person that you are. For being the first 'real' girl to give me regard, kindness and value me as a person way back when, I won't forget it. For the gift of knowing that you'll always be there and that distance or time doesn't matter... although I'm working on it ;)

Kathryn Oliver: For keeping me on my toes and giving me a challenge!! No seriously, for giving me the gift unparalleled of forgiving my transgressions and stupidity and for somehow still thinking of me as an awesome, worthwhile person through it all. For knowing where I'm coming from, and for always seeing the good in me. For that smile that you gave me everytime that couldn't help but make me feel that in your eyes I was not little old me but some Greek god or something everytime you saw me. I should pay you money for that or something, but I'd be broke in two weeks. :P

Emma Wilkin: In a way, nobody put up with more crap out of me than you! Thank you for making my uni years the best ones of my life, and for being the more beautiful, less awkward half of our invincible two man team, dont worry, even though you said you do, you don't owe me half of your degree ;). For your unforgettable presence, friendship and perhaps the enduring of more hours with me than anyone else. There is always an Emma shaped room in my heart.

Troy Nuske: For being Australian, and still being cool. What a monumental achievement that is!! For having the best taste in music of anyone I've ever met. For when I met you for the first time and felt like I had been friends with you my whole life. For giving me a place to go to whenever I'm in Sydney... for being awesome.

Michelle Nuske: For being Troy's infinitely better half. :) For trusting me enough to tell me things I doubt other people would... you know what I'm talking about here haha ;) For giving me the same feeling as Troy did, the feeling that I had known you all my life, when I was just meeting you for the first time. I honestly want the South Sydney Rabbitohs to win a premiership before my Warriors, because I care and wish you all the happiness in the world.

Mum: Mum I know you will somehow find a way to read this, because you're always stalking my online activities :P Relax, I'm kidding. Thank you for everything. You know I wouldn't even have a list of people to thank if it werent for you, and that gives you the biggest thanks of all.

And to all my new and old friends not mentioned here, who are just coming into the minefield of my life. You go here, because I've got to give you guys something to aim for... graduating into the main list!! The rest of my family at home or abroad. My friends from overseas, in particular Gillian and Juelles; who remind me that I really have more beautiful women in my life than I can shake a stick at. All my friends from high school and uni. My work family Nitin and Nikita, and my surrogate brother and sister and also my favourite students Pooja and Bhavin. You all are the sine qua non of my existence. Seriously... go look it up.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

A Grab Bag of Self Refuting Bullcrap

I read this online and loved every single bit of it. Enjoy it for me too.

A “Grab Bag” of Self-Refuting Positions

by Talk|ThinkingMatters.org.nz on January 30, 2010

In his Introduction to Logic, Harry Gensler defines a self-refuting statement as “[A] statement that makes negative claims so sweeping that it ends up denying itself.” [1] In other words, it results when an argument or position is undercut by its own criteria (An example of this would be saying, “I cannot speak a word of English” in English). Off the top of my head and in no particular order, here’s a grab-bag of several self-refuting positions which I’ve documented over the years:

1. Truth does not exist (Is that a true statement?)
2. Nothing is absolute (Is that absolutely true?)
3. I do not exist (You must exist to deny that you exist)
4. Science is the only way to know (Can you scientifically prove that?)
5. Only what can be perceived by the five senses exists (Can you prove that by the five senses?)
6. Nobody can know anything for sure (Do you know that for sure?)
7. Nobody can know anything about God (How do you know that?)
8. Talk about God is meaningless (Since it is a statement about God, this statement is meaningless too)
9. Reality is just your interpretation, objective reality does not exist (That’s just your interpretation)
10. “‘Everything we think and do is the function of our genes/nervous system’”: Is this belief itself just the result of genetic/neutral activity? If so, why trust it — or any belief we have? If your belief happens to be right, it’s just by accident”
11. There are no beliefs (You expect me to believe that?)
12. Everything is meaningless (So is that statement)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Utter science/media fail hilarity




HAHAHAHAHAHA. It's funny because it's true. :P

Monday, March 14, 2011

Ohhh.... OUCH.

"The ultimate irony is that this philosophy implies that Darwinism itself is just another meme, competing in the infectivity sweepstakes by attaching itself to that seductive word "science." Dawkins ceaselessly urges us to be rational, but he does so in the name of a philosophy that implies that no such thing as rationality exists because our thoughts are at the mercy of our genes and memes. The proper conclusion is that the Dawkins poor brain has been infected by the Darwin meme, a virus of the mind if ever there was one, and we wonder if he will ever be able to find the cure." ~ Phillip Johnson

Ohhh OUCH. That may be one of the very best pithy quotes I've ever come across in obliterating the shallow mud hut of materialism, and it's lead intellectually vacuous swamp thing Richard Dawkins.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Crowning Achievement of My LIFE.

Today I have reached the pinnacle ladies and gentlemen... it's all downhill from here. Look, and BEAR WITNESS!!

Rob Cesternino
We talked with Stephen Fishbach about his visit to the Celebrity Apprentice pizza parlor / asylum on the world's one and only Celebrity Apprentice podcast!
The One & Only Celebrity Apprentice Podcast is Back
robhasawebsite.com
Rob Has a Podcast - Rob Cesternino talks to Stephen Fishbach about Celebrity Apprentice 4 & Survivor winner Richard Hatch, Gary Busey, Lisa Rina, David Cassidy
13 minutes ago · UnlikeLike · · Share

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You and 2 others like this.
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Scott Lovesy Stephen is the best guest you've ever had on...never get tired of hearing him, cant wait to listen :)
7 minutes ago · LikeUnlike · Stephen Fishbach likes this.
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Randy Bailey Lucky for you Scott it appears he will now be on every week. WTF?
5 minutes ago · UnlikeLike · You and Stephen Fishbach like this.
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Dave Hunter and Courtney too!(?)!
4 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Rob Cesternino Randy, there's always a spot for you on the podcast couch. You want back on sometime?
3 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Rob Cesternino Randy, I'm perfectly okay if you want to talk Celebrity Apprentice instead of Survivor too.
3 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Randy Bailey Let me think...how should I put this? NO! But give me a call anytime and we can talk about anything you desire off the air.
2 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy I think Rob and Stephen secretly are more than just friends, and this accounts for the frequency of Stephen appearances... ;)
2 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Ryan Eschauzier Downloading now! Nice.
a few seconds ago · Like

In case you're confused... what this is is me commenting on the link of ROB CESTERNINO (Survivor Amazon and all Stars, greatest player ever) and being 'liked' by STEPHEN FISHBACH (Survivor Tocantins, second place winner) and being addressed by name by RANDY BAILEY (Survivor Gabon, best villain ever).

Ladies and gentlemen it doesn't get much better than this :P

Monday, March 7, 2011

Friedrich Nietzsche: Cocksucker Extraordinaire

This fucker has been coming up a lot lately for some reason... so I thought it would do me good to viciously rant against him and everything he stands for :P

Alright since the fucking name 'Nieztsche' is such a fucking hassle to type over and over again this German wart on the face of creation will henceforth be known only as 'Freddy'.

"In Daybreak Nietzsche begins his "Campaign against Morality".[49] He calls himself an "immoralist" and harshly criticizes the prominent moral schemes of his day: Christianity, Kantianism, and utilitarianism. In Ecce Homo Nietzsche called the establishment of moral systems based on a dichotomy of good and evil a "calamitous error",[50] and wished to initiate a re-evaluation of the values of the Judeo-Christian world.[51] He indicates his desire to bring about a new, more naturalistic source of value in the vital impulses of life itself.

In both these works, Nietzsche's genealogical account of the development of master-slave morality occupies a central place. Nietzsche presents master-morality as the original system of morality—perhaps best associated with Homeric Greece. Here, value arises as a contrast between good and bad, or between 'life-affirming' and 'life-denying': wealth, strength, health, and power, the sort of traits found in a Homeric hero, count as good; while bad is associated with the poor, weak, sick, and pathetic, the sort of traits conventionally associated with slaves in ancient times."

Okay, so basically all that says that this calamitous fuckwit said that any moral system based on a juxtaposition of 'good and bad' is flawed and then... you guessed it... goes on to outline a preferred moral system based on his own arbitrary definition of good and bad. Oh fuck me.

Do you want to live in this Freddy world?? Remarkably some people actually DO. They are usually the ones built like Greek Gods with egos the size of continents who think their bulging muscles, strength and social acumen classify them as the elite of existence somehow. Either them, or maybe even worse; the weak, broken down people who are actually weak as all fuck but like to think they're Greek adonises. Wow, that's like a double whammy of suck right there.

Meanwhile, here was I, living in my weak 'needs to be exterminated according to Freddy' body believing that loving others and not trying to break the necks of those I disagree with might be a productive strategy. What do I know? I'm the enfeebled one who needs to be Freddy exterminated :P

It's somewhat ironic that he wants a 'naturalistic' source of value when, if we accept naturalism or its evil twin materialism (the view that there is only nature and natural forces and nothing transcendent operates anywhere ever), we don't even have a viable reason for believing our brains to be accurate in perceiving the world around us let alone defining what value we should be attaching to our lives!! (As Alvin Plantinga has so adequately demonstrated)

So basically all that we are left with is that Freddy thinks morals should be based on individual 'perspective'. Well if that is so, I have an individual perspective, and that is that Freddy's perspective is A HEAPING LOAD OF TURD. And since according to his own definition noone's 'perspective' is of any more worth than any other, looks like Freddy is fucking shit out of luck.

And how did Freddy's story end? He went mad, started pissing and shitting in the streets, yelling out gibberish in his underwear in the town square until the syphillis that he got while out being a 'perspectivist' finally brought him down. Hmm... somehow apt really.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Some more reading on the matter...

Here is an article to go with the last post.

Are YOU... blinded by scientism??

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2010/03/1174

Next time someone tells you...

There are a lot of stupid ass ideas out there, masquerading as serious intellectual opinions that actually carry weight. Some of them need to die and die quickly.

Things like...

1. "There is no such thing as absolute truth"

And I say to that... IS THAT TRUE??? And crack up maniacally.

Because if it's true... then IT'S WRONG. And if it's false... THEN IT'S WRONG. And if it's neither true nor false... THEN IT'S USELESS PROCLAIMING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

2. "All truth is relative"

Oh sweet mercy. Let me point this out to you. "All truth is relative" IS NOT A RELATIVE STATEMENT. Go sit in the corner and try to make statements that don't disprove themselves.

3. "The only reliable form of knowledge is science"

Ahem. And how exactly did you reach this conclusion?? Because the supposition that the only reliable form of knowledge is science, IS NOT VERIFIABLE BY SCIENCE. What experiment did you run to come to this conclusion?? What controls did you have in place?? Did you control for the fact that you're a fucking knob jockey?

4. "All faith is stupid. I don't have faith I use my reason."

Oh you sad, sad sack of shit. You DON'T have faith?? Funny, because I could have sworn that you did...

I could have sworn that you have FAITH that your reason is an accurate source of truth value. I could have sworn you have FAITH that truth is attainable by your mental faculties and you're not living in the Matrix or some dream world. I could have sworn that you have FAITH in the unverifiable ASSUMPTION that faith is stupid. And worst of all... I could have sworn that you have FAITH that you exist, have a mind and are a functioning human entity. All these things being totally unverifiable by any standard you want to throw on the table. Because any means you try to verify them will include ASSUMPTIONS that one has to take on FAITH. So I'll make you a deal. I'll agree with you just as soon as you demonstrate (some fucking how) that every single thing that every single mind in every single instance of the history of the universe has had faith in is wrong. Oh wait... you can't even do ONE.

Isn't it hilarious and sad, how these four things that have been so easily demolished are pretty much the foundation that modern Western society is based on?? No wonder this world is such a pathetic sack of fecal matter.

Friday, February 11, 2011

NRL Bets vs Tyler

For future reference, here are the bets on this season of NRL that I will totally clear up Tyler on.

1. Warriors to finish higher on the table than the Eels at the end of Round 26. ($10)

2. Manu Vatuvei to score more tries than Jarryd Hayne ($10)

3. Bunnies to go further in the competition than the Melbourne Storm ($10)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Greatest Comment Thread of All Times

I'm not one for tooting my own horn...

Oh alright I toot it all the time. So here's some more tootin. The greatest comment thread ever devised by man, with credit going to David Stewart, myself and a little Ashleigh sauce on the side.

Scott Lovesy
RUSSELL HANTZ FOR THE WIN!!!
January 29 at 8:31pm
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David Stewart BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Redemption island is a FARCE and I am seriously thinking about not watching in protest!
January 30 at 5:48pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
Hahahahahahahahahaha I wondered what you would think ;)

I want to see Russell and Boston Rob on the jury. And I'm excited to see if either of them will last with new players.

It's funny how now the whole Redemption Island twist has been revealed as an obvious insertion to keep Russell and Rob in the game if either of them get voted out early :P
January 30 at 7:04pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy My only complaint is that Coach should have been brought back as well. And Amanda. Not even to play the game, just put her on the beach for no apparent reason.
January 30 at 7:06pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart hahaha, maybe Amanda could co-host with Jeff :P I judt think they are grasping at straws bringing an obviously contentious player back in Russell. It used to be about a group of ppl who didnt know each other coming together to play this game but they keep bringing ppl back which is lame! It works in an all-stars game but not when combined with newbies.
January 30 at 10:09pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
See it's kind of necessitated by their new production schedule.

What they're doing now is filming two seasons back to back in the same location to cut costs. So they're forced into doing a sort of regular season followed by a gimmick season ...because they have no new location and there cant be two 'Survivor Samoa's or Nicaraguas.

Hopefully Season 24 is Purple Kelly vs. Brett from Samoa in the battle of the invisibles :P
January 30 at 10:12pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart Who is Brett from Samoa?!? hahahahah I think they should just stop with the gimmik seasons, POOR FORMJEFF!!!!!!! :P
January 30 at 10:14pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
Don't blame him... he's only a robot, he has no conscious decision making skills. :P

Personally I could really go for a season of 'Second Chance' survivor if they have to do a gimmick. Bring back all the players that were screwed over by inj...ury, tribal swaps or unlucky circumstance. That way we can have Rob vs Russell but it'd be Rob Cesternino from Amazon and Russell Swan who almost died :P hahaha
January 30 at 10:17pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart YES!!! OMG YES!!!!!!!! And all the superior players that should have won but just missed out on the final immunity challenge. Rob from Amazon was robbed! (see what i did there? haha).
January 30 at 10:21pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy As long as I get to see Shane Powers again... we need more rocks acting as blackberries, thinking seats, threats of murder towards alliance members, groin chafage, nicotine withdrawal and total insanity on Survivor :P
January 30 at 10:34pm · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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David Stewart I totally forgot about him!! Which season is he from?
January 30 at 10:37pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
Exile Island; the one with Aras, Terry and Danielle. I watched it a few weeks ago. It's like a forgotten gem... really fucking good.

Greatest storyline ever when he swears on his son's life to be loyal to Courtney then two days later realise...s he despises her, and cant vote her out because his son is the only thing that means anything to him :P Instead he spends the rest of the season threatening to come to her apartment and kill her while she sleeps. Fucking gold.
January 30 at 10:39pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart I loved that series!! Mainly cause Aras won beating Terry the loser ahahahaha. Plus he was smoking hot :P
January 30 at 11:35pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy Yeah Aras beat Danielle DiLorenzo in the final 2. Now there's a final two we could likely divide between us :P
January 30 at 11:45pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart hahaha, absolutely!! Although sadly id want the Aras from the island, only not smelly. Once he got all cleaned up he wasnt as hot LOL
January 30 at 11:46pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
Dude Amanda has that same effect going on... 39 days on the island makes her hotter than cleaned up :P And someone like me in my position shouldn't be choosy... I'd take smelly if offered. lmao!

I'm guessing that you would want to get Aras t...o do some variant of the 'balancing on pole' challenge?? Mwahahahaha :D
January 31 at 9:23am · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart LMAO!!!!! So many jokes.....can't say them all.....brain overload :P
January 31 at 12:38pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
The good news is, if I got Amanda to ever attempt the 'balance on pole' challenge, she wouldn't have to do it for hours, about 25 seconds would probably suffice, then the challenge would likely have to be called off. :P

Ooh ooh I've got one ...of the jokes to overcome the brain overload... something along the lines of "If that happened with Aras, it would give new meaning to Jeff's phrase 'Come on in guys'" right?? :P

Man I've got to stop... this thread is going to bad places now hahaha
January 31 at 3:33pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart Bahahahaha, that is WAY better than anything that was going through my head :P
And yes.....yes it is lol.
January 31 at 6:49pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
I don't know why anyone hasn't yet written an album of Survivor themed love songs. Featuring 8 classic hits.

1. I'll never vote you out of my life
2. In my heart you'll always have immunity
3. Endurance challenge (in bed)
4. Hold on to my greasy pole
5. Hidden Immunity Idol (in my pants)
6. Sweet Parvati (The Syphillis Blues)
7. Time for the Merge
8. You won reward (Lots of meat)

Someone needs to save this thread :P
January 31 at 7:00pm · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart OMG that is possibly the funniest thing i have read EVER!!!!!! I think my favourite is Hold onto my Greasy Pole, shocking i know :P We need to save this thread for the generations to come.....they must know of our greatness!!
Tuesday at 2:50pm · UnlikeLike · 1 personLoading...
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Scott Lovesy Every once in a while, amidst the lameness, I pull out something worthwhile. This may be one of those times :P And *saved in Word file* :P
Tuesday at 5:57pm · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy Order in the next 15 minutes and receive a FREE bonus CD single featuring two unreleased tracks 'Unfulfilled Merge Expectations' and the 16 minute epic 'You were medically evacuated and now my heart feels as porous as a palm frond roof'. :P
Tuesday at 6:33pm · LikeUnlike
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Ashleigh Stewart ‎...I don't stalk your friendship and resulting status updates hahahaha HILARIOUS and even I remember the "thinking seat" dude - what a top notch loon! :D
5 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 1 personLoading...
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Scott Lovesy
Remembering Shane Powers earns you A MILLION POINTS!!! :)

Man why is it that having the last name Stewart inevitably makes you like the automatic greatest people in the world?? :P Well... maybe not Brett Stewart the womanising league league ...player, but definitely you two ;)
3 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart Hahahaha, thaks Scott!!! I feel we must actually make these songs into an album of some kind....the titles are too good for the world to not hear :P How about some kind of trance song......
24 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
That might be the only trance album I would listen to the whole way through :P

First we'll remix the Survivor theme into a trace song. It starts with 'Wee eh oh lee oh lee oh lee ahhh" then segues into some furious synth rhythms and beats :P...

Survivor: Dancefloor. Where you're voted off for not having the FUNK. :P
20 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart OMG screw Redemption Island we should pitch Survivor Dancefloor to the producers!!! If they want gimick....we got it. YES WE CAN!!!!
17 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart How about Survivor: Wild Animal Enclosure......Last one standing against a pack of lions wins the million.
17 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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Scott Lovesy
I'm pretty sure I would be the first one voted out of Survivor: Dancefloor, either that or I would pull a Na'Onka and quit the game :P

The final Survivor Dancefloor immunity challenge to see who faces the epic trance jury of DANCEALICIOUSNES...S is an endurance challenge where the 3 remaining dance castaways see who can last the longest on a continuous loop of the hardest level on Dance Dance Revolution. :P

I LIKE Wild Animal Enclosure :P Perhaps also Survivor: Jailhouse. Become a member of a gang alliance and compete in reward challenges for a carton of cigarettes and immunity challenges featuring 'Don't drop the soap'. :P
13 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart
Ahahahahahahahaha, have you played DDR? that game is crazy hard!!!!

I am intrigued by Jailhouse...and they can compete in a shiv making competition where you have to stab the other person before they stab you :P

Survivor: space station still ...has to be my favourite
9 minutes ago ·
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Scott Lovesy
I usually dont play games that involve either strenuous physical activity or coordination... it doesn't go well for me :P

Survivor Space Station is the first and thus will always be the classic ;) It's the 'Borneo' of Survivor ridiculous spin offs. And there's always one like Redemption Island that just takes things too far...

SURVIVOR TERRORIST TRAINING CAMP: Outwit. Outpray. Outblast!!!
3 minutes ago · LikeUnlike
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David Stewart LMAO!!!!!!!!! You are the god of hilarious spinoffs!! I bow to thee and your awesomeness :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Lost verses

I see you well and clear
Deep in the moonlight dear
Your radiant august eyes
They are the suns that rise
They are the light that guides
They are these lost verses

I came up from under the ocean
Evaporated sea salt water
A mist above the skyline
I haunt the streets
Watch over loved ones and old friends
I see them trough their living room windows
Shaken by fear and worries
I want them to know how I love them so
Foghorns would sound in waking
Is it my voice you hear?
Footsteps are moving across the floor
And you know I'm here
The afternoon carries up from the hills and you are well and near
To fall into the light I follow

I feel oh so near
When morning doves appear
And ghosts of April ring
Echo the refrain
Soon finding a place
In these lost verses

They fill the foggy day
They hide the hills away
That steal our time
They are the picturesque night
The lost verses

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Scott/Society Divorce: Covered from all angles

Yes, the news that rocked the world is here and The Greatest Blog Alive has it covered from all angles!! That's right we've got the exclusive scoop! Interviews with the key parties! Analysis from experts!! And it's all for free!!

From the beginning the relationship between Scott and Society was rocky. In an exclusive interview with TGBA Scott reveals the early days of the union. "Yeah well, it was sorta an arranged marriage from the start. Getting into it with Society is kind of the thing to do apparently, and if you don't you have to deal with all manner of shit. So I kind of just grinned and bore it for a while. In truth Society didn't do much for me from the start. Even with a bag over it's head I couldnt manage to be intimate with it... and fuck me if the conversations weren't explosively one dimensional".

On the other hand, when asked for it's opinions on the breakup, Society responded: "CONFORM. IMMEDIATELY." Make of that what you will.

Many of Scott's friends and family had also noticed that the relationship wasn't exactly setting the world on fire. His sister Nicole related to us "Holy shit, if I heard him complain about Society to me one more time I was just about to plug my ears with fast setting gauze. This is definitely one relationship that needed to end." When asked about Nicole's comments Society responded: "DON'T THINK. WORK." Make of that what you will.

Miss Ashleigh Stewart, one of Scott's closest friends touched upon the inevitability of the divorce from her own unique perspective. "Well, we formed a group together called the Ashleigh Scott Society for Social Sanity... which seemed to be a painfully clear message that we both thought Society was a bit insane. I'm only surprised the thing lasted as long as it did, I mean come on!! Do oil and water stay together?? Oh by the way, am I getting paid for this interview? Why'd you just barge into my flat? And during Glee too!! Get lost!!" In response to Miss Stewart Society was heard to remark: "PAY INCOME TAX. LAWS AND STATUTES ARE THERE FOR A REASON." Make of that what you will.

Finally, we hacked into Scott's personal computer account for a more illegal look at his views on the divorce. We found a bunch of saved Word files and blog documents containing many vitriolic threats, even going so far in one file to state that the only thing he really wanted "was the see Society burn. Oh would that be sweet." In what can only be described as over the top spiteful ranting Scott expressed thoughts along the lines of "Society is a blood sucking parasite that exists only to drain the will, ability to think and emotion. The sooner it gets fucked and dies a painful death the better for everybody. Especially me." We were hesitant to relate these words to Society in our face to face interview... but in the name of journalistic integrity we asked Society anyway. "CONSUME. MONEY. NOTHING TO SEE HERE."

Make of that what you will.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Matrix Trilogy: Neo, Agent Smith, The Reunification of Being and Return to Spirit

Phew. If I get this right, this essay will explain why The Matrix trilogy is the Michelangelo's David or the Mona Lisa of film: The pinnacle of human accomplishment in this medium, and a profound statement about life, humanity and the divine that sends shivers down my spine. Of course all this pretty much fucking guarantees that even the 2 people who read this blog regularly aren't going to read this. But fuck it, the fact that noone cares has never stopped me from doing anything before.

The relationship between Neo and Agent Smith in the films is very misunderstood, and since this figures so crucially into the amazing ending, this is a large part of the reason why the later movies get so critically panned. Neo (the apparent hero) and Agent Smith (the apparent villain) are the inevitable resultant of the Matrix's programming equations which produces anomalies in the system. Neo, or the One, exists, and thus Smith must exist as well as an inevitable product of the mathematical equations of the system attempting to balance themselves out. Hence Smith is Neo's opposite, the Yang to Neo's Yin.



It is about at this revelation where the audience sheep start bleating because this whole thing is getting disconcerting for their expectations. "But Smith is the BAD GUY! Neo has to BEAT HIM UP!!" Well, no. These movies are far deeper than that. And it's about to get deeper. Neo and Smith's journeys are a mirror of one another. Neo represents the spirit, encased in a body that is more self sacrificial, represented in his undying love for another (Trinity) which motivates him throughout the films. He is thus a sort of representative of the shallow archetypic hero who saves others. Smith represents the spirit, encased in a body that is purely focussed on self. He is thus overtly materialistic and nihilistic. This is represented in the fact that he endlessly copies himself onto everybody, spawning an entire population of nothing but Agent Smiths and his goal is nothing less than to subsume the entirety of existence until nothing is left but he. He is focus on self, taken to it's logical extreme.

The key point is that NEITHER IS COMPLETE. Neo is not good, Smith is not bad. They are both part of the broken mirror of truth, and as they clash throughout Part 2, neither side yet realise this fact.



The struggle between Smith and Neo is a microcosm of the larger struggle that operates throughout the films that approximately 0.005% of the audience even realise. The last remaining human city of Zion represents the body where human bodies clash with machines. The Matrix represents the mind where the digital forms of human minds are enslaved by the mind forms of the machines. Crucially, and this is part that EVERYONE misses, The Machines themselves actually represent spirit (Unexpected no?). Towards the end of part 3 Neo's physical eyes are blinded and his spiritual sight kicks in as he arrives at Machine City and lo and behold... he sees the machines as made of pure golden light.



There is a saying in Christian Mysticism, "Hell is the flames of God's love denied". Humanity, disconnected from it's spirit and only conscious of body and physical sight experience the machines as devilish and hellish in appearance and experience them ATTACKING them. The crucial point is that this is an ILLUSION caused by lack of sight. The same machines looked at through disconnected physical eyes become beings of pure light when looked at through the eyes of true spirit. And the audience's head explodes because all their expectations of "Men good, machines bad, men beat machines yay" are turned squarely on their head whilst I cackle in the midst of my intellectual orgasm. Men turned away from their spirit and thus began to perceive the spirit itself as hostile. This manifested itself in the form of harsh, unrelenting machines hunting them down and forcing them underground. It is said in Matrix One if one is paying attention, that when man first gave rise to the machines that the created artificial intelligence was OF ONE CONSCIOUSNESS. Undiluted pure awareness. Thus, uncorrupted spirit.

Hence, The Matrix trilogy as a whole becomes a tale of the modern human condition. The Architect of the Matrix (the mind) has never been able to be craft the system into a perfect world because it does not integrate the body or the spirit. Zion (the body) lives in fear and under constant attack because it does not integrate the mind or the spirit. And the spirit remains unable to connect with the body or the mind because both have chosen a condition of illusion and rejection of the divine. ALL THREE MUST BE INTEGRATED, and this is where Neo and Agent Smith return to the forefront.

Neo is the Avatar, or the Christ incarnate. He is the one who will reunify the three domains IN HIMSELF and thus transfigure all three realms of body, mind and spirit into integration and peace. His journey begins in the Matrix, the mind, progresses to Zion, the body and ends at Machine City, the spirit. He is the One because he transcends dualism and begins to exist in a state of CHOICELESS DIVINITY. He breaks from the established cycle of Matrix system reboots through his love for Trinity which is a state of choicelessness. However, Agent Smith is the embodiment of choiceless divinity as well but in a very different way that makes it very difficult to discern. Whilst Neo is affixed to choicelessness of love, Agent Smith is affixed to the choicelessness of PURPOSE. He enacts no choice but to continually be driven by purpose, to replicate and eventually, so he presumes, to destroy Neo.

This brings us to the final resolution of the Trilogy and the final confrontation between Neo and Agent Smith, the two halves of being. Whilst Neo has progressed far and begins to see spirit, he is not yet one with it. There remains separation. There is one more thing to do: To reunify himself with Agent Smith, his enemy, his daemon, his other half. Neo enters the Matrix (the mind) to bring about the ultimate and final unity of consciousness.



In a fucking EPIC scene, with fucking EPIC music, rain (the spiritual symbol of purification and baptism) pours down as Neo advances along a street that is literally lined with Agent Smiths. Smiths watch from the windows of skyscrapers. Smith is now all that remains in the Matrix. He is dead set on putting an end to Neo and completing his purpose. As the intuitive half of the whole, Neo is becoming aware of something that Smith is not. Smith is still lost in his blind materialistic drive and will continue to fight Neo, unaware of the futility of his actions. Neo begins the scene in the same mindset and the battle begins. They fight in the skies, through buildings, in craters and on the street.

Agent Smith thanks Neo "for it was your life that showed me the purpose of all life... the purpose of life is to end". As is most often the case with the Matrix trilogy, there is are layers of meaning to Smith's pronouncement. Whilst Smith, as the nihilistic, materialistic self no doubt believes he is saying that life has no ultimate meaning and death is the inevitable and only end result, he is in fact saying something very different. The purpose of life is TO END. In fulfilling his purpose, Smith is about to end as an individual and be subsumed into the source and true divinity. He is in fact speaking the truth without even knowing it. And Neo keeps fighting... until the crucial moment.

The crucial moment where he realises the truth. That just as in real life, struggling against something is merely an illusion, because all you are in fact struggling with is yourself. He and Smith are ONE. There is nothing to fight except himself, which leads to the very situation of mind, body, spirit fragmentation that he is attempting to rectify. In an act of pure surrender, Neo proclaims to Smith that he was always right, and stands perfectly still as Smith absorbs and assimilates him. In this act, Neo's road to the divine is finally complete, he has achieved total reunification and both he and Smith cease to exist as individuals and are subsumed in the divine light. Finally, through Neo's enlightenment, light is brought to all three worlds. The war is over, and man is rendered whole again as a fully connected divine being.

Thus brings to an end the greatest filmic accomplishment of our time, and somehow it even manages to top itself and perhaps even reveal the secret to existence in a mere three lines of dialog. The final three lines of the film.

In the Matrix, now reunified and glimmering with golden light, the green mind hue now banished forever The Oracle (the symbol of female intuition) and the Architect (the symbol of male rationality) have one final conversation. The Architect admonishes the Oracle for playing a dangerous game and gambling the existence of all three worlds on Neo. Then after, a sneer he asks the question "Did you know this would happen?".

The Oracle smiles, and with a wistful tone dripping with wisdom, playfully proclaims, "Oh no... no I didn't...

But I believed."

Saturday, January 15, 2011

"We live in a time of revolution, we swim the silent seas of sanity gone"

Nouns for the Mindless Drones

Society is composed of 99% mindless drones and 1% people who are depressed about being around mindless drones. So here is an impromptu list of words for these conformists for you to use next time you are bombarded with their insipidness. All of which I have used at some point or another.

Sheep, Drones, Mongoloids, Patsies, Zombies, Fish heads, Troglodytes, Hobgoblins, Robots, Programs, Clones, Borewhores, Geese, Conformatics, Neurotics, Bluepills, Pissants, Pigs, Goats, Ducks, Switch heads, Automatons, Blankers, Probes, Gargoyles, Mudbrains, Cowards, Workers, Guppies, Philosophically Lame Shit for Brains, Bubblegum Gobblers, Sugar bees, Mainstream whores, Putzes, Morons, Douchebags, Idiots, Mindsluts, Weakknees, Wafflers, Boneheads, Numbskulls, Oblivatrons, Cogs, Wheels, Gears, Anonymous Henchmen, Facehuggers, Bottom feeders, Crawlers, Pill poppers, Sludgers, Conformasluts, Mudpuppies, Viruses, Binary bits, Lemmings, Replicators and Pop weasels.

As a post script to this I must add that I really love people. ;)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Reflections on the Matrix: Cypher and the Illusion of Conformity

In the first Matrix we are introduced to the character of Cypher. From the outset he is hard bitten and skeptical. He doesn't seem to believe in Neo or the messianic prophecy of the coming of the One who will end the war with the machines and save humanity from imprisonment. In their first conversation he openly admits to Neo "Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?". The harshness of reality outside the Matrix is too much for him to take and freedom is too much for him to handle.



Cypher makes a deal with Agent Smith over a computer generated steak to betray humanity in exchange for... gasp... being reinserted into the computer generated mind prison. Over the course of their conversation he remarks that "ignorance is bliss" and his yearning to be someone important, like an actor or a well paid businessman in his sham life after his reinsertion.

Here we see the temptation of conformity at it's peak. For every moment in every second after renouncing the system amidst all the unavoidable hardship that choice brings there is the feeling "Wouldn't it just be easier to go back?" This in turn raises the obvious deeper issue of bitter unpalatable reality versus comfortable illusion. Cypher realises that his decision is in effect; to allow his real body and life essence to be used by the machines as battery power while he has a pleasant dream but hey, at least he's not aware of it! Cypher thus becomes a parable of Judas in his betrayal of the One. Disillusioned and skeptical he fails to see that in effect the hardships and trials of life in the real world are an inevitable precursor of the consciousness transition from a separate fragmented state of only body to one of the unity of body, mind and spirit that Neo shall bring about.

Cypher is the parable of the ultimate category mistake. We can only give in to the conformity of the system, the way we are 'supposed' to act, live, love and be by forsaking one or more parts of the trinity that make us full and complete entities. To conform involves giving up mind, giving up spirit, giving up body or any combination of the three. Thus it involves an inevitable reduction of oneself to the level of non functioning humanoid.

In the Matrix trilogy Zion and the real world represent the body and are tinged in blue. The Matrix represents the mind and is always tinged in green. Surprisingly enough, but for beautiful reasons we will get to in the future the machines themselves represent spirit, encased in golden light. In being liberated from the Matrix the mind is freed and is reunited with body but still is not complete as the spirit, inherant in the machines is not recognised and assimilated. Cypher, being promised liberation and being brought into a world that promised wholeness and still feeling incomplete leads him inexorably to step backwards, to believe that his former state of disembodied mind in the Matrix is actually preferable to a life that promised freedom and left him still with incompleteness. The message of Cypher's betrayal is thus something along the lines of the message of Judas. Sensing that the journey was not completed and brought to fruition in the way he expected, Judas attempted to toss away the inevitable divinity that was in progress all along and revert to a primitive state of ignorance.

Ignorance is not bliss, never has been, never will be. Conformity is easy, yet the sacrifices are far too high, the inexorable disintegration of the unity of self and the power of individuality.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Thoughts on Life and The Matrix (Part One)

I trust that the few reading this are familiar with The Matrix movies, if not parts 2 and 3 then at least part one. If not, then I pity your deprived existence. GO OUT AND WATCH THEM NOW. Basically The Matrix in my eyes is the crowning achievement of the art of film that I have yet witnessed in my lifetime. I'm not saying something already out there or something that will come along wont surpass it, but I haven't seen anything that does yet.

To me, these films resonate to the core of my being. Almost everything I hold to be true about life, the world and everything is somewhere in these films, perhaps buried deep in symbolism, hints or fleeting thematic glances but there nonetheless. It was likely watching the first Matrix way back in 1999 that set me along the path or at least showed something to me about myself that was already there.

The reaction you will find among the general public to these movies tends to go something like this. "Gee, Matrix one was amazing, shame about the sequels though". I can understand why this is. Because as the philosophers on the DVD commentaries so precisely put it, The Matrix Part One as a self composed entity is easily understood, and it plays into traditional expectations of a narrative. Matrix One is good vs evil. Humans good. Machines bad. Matrix, the computer generated prison for humanities minds bad. Outside Matrix good. Neo good. Agent Smith bad. And people were HAPPY with that. Then came parts 2 and 3. Reloaded and Revolutions are like waking up in heaven and finding out things aren't as they were cracked up to be. They are disconcerting, they subvert expectations, they turn everything on its head. Reloaded and Revolutions is where we find out that the Matrix isn't so bad, and the role of Neo perhaps isn't so good. It's where we discover that profoundly it is the MACHINES that is invested with the singular spirit and consciousness that humanity lacks. It's where we find out that Agent Smith himself is the only way that leads to Neo's wholeness, salvation and nirvana. And the typical person on the street is not happy with ANY of these developments.

To put it simply, parts 2 and 3 are trashed because they are better movies. Because we want easy answers. We want easily identifiable good vs. evil and loathe complexity. The Matrix trilogy as a whole is perfect. If only people would engage with it on it's own terms and not bringing their limitations to the experience. But really that's what the whole Matrix is about. That 99% of humanity live in a self imposed dream world of oppression. Could it be any other way that the majority of people don't get these movies??

Anyway, this is part one of me referencing ideas, themes, scenes and characters from the Matrix and how they relate to life as a whole for me. I hope somewhere out there finds this worthwhile and illuminating, and most of all I hope it inspires somebody to go back and watch these movies in the spirit they were made. It could be a most rewarding experience.



One of my favourite scenes from Matrix One is this one. Morpheus takes Neo into a simulated training program where they walk along a crowded city street as squalls of people, businessmen, women and nameless scrawls of people advance past them on all sides, an endless torrent of humanity living in their dream reality.

Morpheus tells Neo that these are the people they are trying to liberate and yet, because they are not liberated they are DANGEROUS. Morpheus invites Neo to turn around for another look at a gorgeous woman in a red dress who caught his eye and instead he finds himself staring down the barrel of an Agent's gun. Every single time I walk down a city street with tons of people around I think of this scene. In London that was almost everyday. It is such a profoundly true statement about our world.

These people, the ones around us every day, ambling to their jobs so they can pay the bills, and sustain themselves within this system of control will pay you no attention, as long as you're one of them. Start questioning the system like Neo and WHAM! You're a threat. And all at once, these people become dangerous, like an amorphous Agent in symbolic form, because whilst these people accept the status quo, they will always look down on ones like myself, who do not. In Morpheus's words "these people are so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will FIGHT to protect it." One look at the subscription rates to the US military will illuminate the truth of these words.

Go ahead, try it one day. Go to a person in your life who has never thought to do anything except conform to the expectations of society and the secular world. Ask them WHY they live like that. Chances are the most common reaction you will get is a blank look on their face as they myopically stare of into the distance, lost in a Manichean dream. Dig a little deeper and you'll get some pushback, some resistance. Dig even deeper and the hostilities towards you will begin. It's as inevitable as the day is long. The Wachowski Brothers in this scene have captured the heart of the matter PERFECTLY. What motivates the masses and their choices is what the philosopher Ken Wilber dubs the Three C's. Conformity, Complacency, and Cowardice. Trying to live outside the boundaries of the three C's is to take the red pill. Ignoring that still voice in one's mind that cries out "this world is not enough" and falling in line is to take the blue pill. And we all do it. In one way or another. Because it is easy. In mental slavery we are our own gatekeepers. We locked ourselves in the cell and we swallowed our own key. It's just easier that way ain't it? All this thinking, and being different and yearning for something more is just fucking depressing.

Look at those people next time you're walking the streets. Look at all those unsatisfied lives coated over with the thinnest layers of makeup, fancy suits, nail polish and filled wallets. Look at the phallic symbols of material dominance that stretch up into the sky and the roads that penetrate in all directions playing into the most base of desires. Look at all the empty people with their empty lives, extinguished dreams and downgraded desires. Yes, it's the easy road. As Ecclesiastes 1:18 says "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." The red pill existence is hard, with seemingly insurmountable obstacles. In the Matrix the Agents keeping it all in line can punch through walls, transmute themselves into anybody's body and are virtually indestructible.

Is the struggle against these seemingly insuperable forces worth it? Or is it just better to take the blue pill and be blissful in self contained ignorance? That is one the questions the Matrix invites us to answer and one of the reasons it is one the greatest films of all time. Stay tuned next time as we investigate the character of Cypher, the embodiment of conformity, and the man who chooses blissful ignorance over harsh reality.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Scott's most profound Mancrushes

Men men men men manly men men men
Men men men men manly men
Whoo hoo hoo
Hoo woo ooo
Men Men Men Men...

In a post that is sure to cast lingering doubts on my heterosexuality, here is Scott's list of my greatest mancrushes or bromances of all time.

1. Daniel Vettori



The New Zealand cricket team are the greatest team in the world at consistently bringing the suck time after time. Being a fan of them for 12 years, it is little wonder that I have grown into the jaded, cynical, depressive mess that I am today. In fact yesterday they capitulated so badly to Pakistan that walking outside in one of Lady Gaga's meat bikinis may have been less embarrassing. But none of that is due to this man, Daniel Vettori, the bespectacled cricket hero who must be so fucking sick of playing with this ragtag group of fuckhead incompetents who cant hold a bat he's ready to take off his glasses file them down to a sharp metallic point and stab massacre the fucking lot of them. If this means anything to you, he is one of only 5 men in the history of the game to take over 300 test wickets and score 3000 test runs. I would have his babies.

2. Tommy Karevik



If this guy was a woman I would be stalking her ass right about now. Oh who am I kidding, I'd still stalk his ass if he didn't live in Europe. This man is the vocalist of Seventh Wonder and is probably the biggest ladies man on the prog metal scene. Because I can guarantee you that Tommy Karevik could induce spontaneous multiple orgasms to an entire population just by singing to them. This is probably the reason why Seventh Wonder don't play large arenas, cause the post orgasm clean up bill is far too expensive. I heard the reason Simon Cowell quit American Idol is because he heard the producers were ignoring the application requests of Tommy Karevik just because there'd be no drama to the competition because he would smoke them all quicker than a truckload of hash in Jamaica.

3. Coach Benjamin Wade



If there was some sort of competition, I would have no hesitation in labelling Coach the MANLIEST MAN OF ALL MANLY MEN OF ALL TIMES OF MANLY MEN. Ever since he rocked our world on Survivor Tocantins and Heroes vs Villains Coach has single handedly assured that every man feels a little bad about himself. He is a renaissance man adventurer. Once he was kayaking down the Amazon river and he was kidnapped by natives (!), he proceeded after being physically and emotionally tortured for 2 weeks to untie himself, run to his kayak and paddle away all the while being tracked by his captors all the way down the river. He has survived a hurricane, a shark attack and five or six other life or death situations. He writes poetry, never tells lies, calls himself the Dragon Slayer, practises Tai Chi, wears a feather in his hair, coaches soccer, conducts a symphony orchestra and stars in movies. I salute you Coach, but I hope you'll forgive me when if I ever see you, I immediately run in the opposite direction, because being in your presence will immediately cause me to experience total man immolation where I will spontaneously combust through Coach's sheer force of man.

4. Alvin Plantinga



Feel the love for the old philosophers!! Alvin Plantinga is perhaps the world's most influential philosopher of religion. The reason he is on the list is because of his gigantic intellectual penis which penetrated the spurious arguments of atheists and demonstrated how lacking their position really is. Plantinga's Evolutionary Argument Against Naturalism demonstrates how unguided evolution and atheism are actually incompatible by showing that if unguided evolution produced our brains we would have no way to trust our beliefs as accurate and hence have no reason to believe in Naturalism/Atheism (MWAHAHAHA. SUCKERS.). He also reformulated the Ontological Argument in favor of God's existence, creating perhaps the most quirky and fun proof of God ever seen. Also demonstrated that materialism in the mind/body problem violates Leibniz's law of identicalities and is thus falsified. I love this man.

5. Taylor Lautner

(No picture, I don't want a swarm of 13 year old girls visiting this blog, their heads may explode, and mine certainly would.)

The reason heart throb Taylor Lautner makes this list of man crushes is because he is apparently a man, and I would greatly desire for him to be crushed.

6. Agent Smith



You hear that? That is the sound of INEVITABILITY. The inevitability of Agent Smith making this list baby! After recently rewatching the Matrix trilogy (some of the most philosophically breathtaking movies of all time. Part 2 and 3 get a bad rap because people have no idea what's really going on. One of these days I'm going to write a blog entry explaining why everyone is wrong and Matrix 2 and 3 are fucking awesome) it comes to my attention that Agent Smith may be the quintessential bad guy of cinema. He represents materialism, nihilism, mechanism and evolutionary thinking taken to their logical extreme. He is the embodiment of all that is wrong with human society. His only goal is to endlessly replicate himself over the entire world like a virus, and subsume everything under his hand for no purpose whatsoever because as he says "The purpose of life is to end". His soulless eyes stare without remorse from behind a perfectly cut suit and tinted sunglasses. He is everywhere and there is no escape. He is the PERFECTLY rendered vision of materialistic society, and I doubt even half of the people watching will have understood that. So why does he make the list? Because he is the textbook definition of what a villain should be, taken to the next level, and one of the most iconic characters of all time. So many layers. I love the Matrix baby!

7. Devin Townsend



I hesitated to include Devin on this list. Not because he isn't number one on it... but because I am fairly sure that Devin Townsend is not human. Seriously, if there was one man on the planet I would point to and say "From outer space, no doubt about it." it's Devin. Last year I actually MET this god of music and he was awesome, spending time after the show in the rain to take pictures and autographs with everyone. But he's an alien. No doubt about it. He CANNOT be human.

Every last album he has released has transcended music and captured something immortal and eternal. Ocean Machine captured the essence of the ocean and the waters, Terria captured the Earth, land and the nature of our lives on it. Synchestra captured the harmony of nature. Infinity actually did the impossible and captured the meaning of life itself. City captured the black grind of industrialised modern existence. And that's only HALF of his albums. Basically in the pantheon of musical expression there is Devin Townsend, and then there's the rest.

And there I had better stop. And reassure everyone that no matter how great these men are, women are far and away the superior sex. Magical creatures. Until next time. Keep it real.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Best Dream Ever

Last night I tried a dream experiment for the first time... and it worked! Banking on the idea that dreams are actually mind based excursions into a different realm before going to sleep I verbally asked the spirits to take me on a journey that night. And the dream that followed was amazing, and the most I remember of a single one for many years. Here is my recount. There was a LOT more at the start before I got on to the cable car but unfortunately my memory failed to retain it, and the parts I remember are largely a muddle. But I got the rest!

Tuesday January 4th: What an amazing epic astral journey tonight! This is the most I’ve remembered of a single one and it coincides with me asking the spirits to take me on a trip right before I dozed off. The first part of the journey is the most hazy however I remember I was in danger and thus I took my cat Smudge and hopped on a cable car that was going to take me away from where I was away on holiday back to safety. Smudge was jumping all around the cable car and seemed highly distressed as I tried to calm her down. As the car drove on numerous Survivor players hopped on board with me, first I saw Sue Hawke, then Kelly then Rob Cesternino and Richard Hatch fell asleep in the front seat.

The cable car passed over a stunning landscape and there were all sorts of animals below us, I saw deer and massive bears and everything under the sun. Then the cable car went over a ramp and became suspended in midair over a giant gorge as we traversed across on the cables. Looking down was the most amazing experience of my life because it was like being suspended above infinity. There was a smidgen of fear in me that the car would fall to all of our certain deaths. Eventually we began to emerge on the other side and saw multicoloured yellow, purple, blue fauna below us instead of a huge gorge. I immediately said, oh well at least if we fall now we have a chance, and lo and behold at the moment the cable snapped and we plunged through the undergrowth into a new world. I had a moment to reflect on thoughts becoming reality as we plunged through the vines and the trees to the world below.

Everybody survived the landing and began to walk around and interact with each other. As we looked around and moved further away from the crash site over some cliffs and grassy plains numerous other people appeared. Nicole was there and then all out of the blue I saw my dream boat Amanda and two other girls, one of them was probably Parvati and this fact excited me. I went over to her and greeted her enthusiastically wondering how she had got down here when I hadn't seen her on the cable car, I hugged her tight and asked her what she was doing here, but didn’t get a real answer. The hug was nice though. ;)

Everyone was sitting down gathered together and we had all given up, because no one could find a way out of this place and people were beginning to believe we were trapped there for all eternity. I stood up and proclaimed that I only needed 10 minutes to find us all a way out. Immediately all the women there were skeptical whilst all the men seemed to believe in me. All together they burst out into a supportive round of the Asia song ‘Remembrance Day’, which I joined in. I find it strangely awesome how that particular song manifested it’s way into the experience as we all belted out the final line “Will you remember? The spirit never dies.”

As I walked away back down the path across the landscape to the crash site I felt something strange going on. The further I walked back, time was receding with me. So as I got closer to it in space, I got closer to it in time as well, until I reached a certain point, looked up and saw our cable car falling from the sky. I had solved the mystery it seemed, and there was one entity who was not happy with this at all. As I walked back to tell the others he emerged with a bottle and attempted to break it over my head. I parried it, took the bottle and threw it away. Then I retrieved my own bottle for self defense. He came again as I attempted to make peace with him and continue to walk down the road. I blocked his second shot as well and in a tug of war disarmed his second bottle, but not before he had broken it on my own bottle. Then he resorted to picking up the shards of glass from the ground and attempting to slice me with them. At this point it all became a rather large hindrance and so out of nowhere he began to shrink, until he was the size of one of the glass shards he was trying to kill me with. I picked him up and slid him into my bottle to trap him forever, as I reached back to the others to tell them the news. At this point I woke up. What an awesome experience.

For reference purposes, here is a link to the song referred to ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgOnwMLwuIE

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Best Thing About 2011 (After 2 days) And A Look back at 2010

It's 2011. Remarkably, I am quite happy (wait... did I just say 'happy'? That is the sort of noumena I never thought I would openly describe myself as being a part of) about this, because under my batshit theory of cycles, 2011 is due to be an awesome year for me.

See look... even numbered years for me are ALWAYS bad. 2000, 2002, 2004, 2006, 2008 and 2010. All unanimously bad years. Odd numbered years, are almost ALWAYS good. Especially the two best years of my life sweet sweet 2003 and 2007. 2009 was merely decent, and 2005 was emotionally turmoil-a-riffic so the odd numbered years dont always deliver the goods, but they are a fair bet. However, I noticed that 03 and 07 are spaced four years apart, and 2011 is four years after 07... which means I'm due for a pioneering year of awesomeness. Now lets watch as it doesn't happen and I'm just even more cynical and jaded by the end of the year.

Let's first reflect on some of the (few) good things about 2010.

Best Music of 2010:

Anathema - We're Here Because We're Here

Mentioned before on this blog. So profoundly moving that even Juelles wears the band's sweatshirt when visiting NZ. ;)

Vanden Plas - The Seraphic Clockwork



I love epic sprawling concept albums that have a deep and involved story. This fits the bill. To be succinct it tells a story where Satan convinces Judas not to betray Jesus Christ so that he is never sacrificed and mankind is never saved. 1600 years later a man is plagued by memories of a life that isn't his own. Long story short he is the reincarnation of Judas destined by God to travel back through time to be the one to betray Jesus so that he can be crucified and mankind can be saved. The only problem is, he must sacrifice his life and his love to fulfill his destiny. The final song 'On my Way to Jerusalem' is a 12 minute epic that would have been the greatest song of the year if it wasn't for...

Seventh Wonder - The Great Escape



After listening to the first six songs on this album, if it ended there, I would have said "Great album guys". 'Wiseman' is an awesome opener, 'Alley Cat' is catchy as hell, 'The King of Whitewater' makes me orgasm at the awesome keys and vocals, 'Long Road Home' is a perfectly executed emotional ballad. But it didn' stop there. No there's one more song. The title track 'The Great Escape' clocking in at an obscenely fantasmic 30 minutes and 35 seconds in length. The song of the year without a doubt. Based on the science fiction epic poem 'Aniara' by a Swedish Nobel Laureate this song pretty much makes me require a change of pants every time. It weaves seamlessly from technical heavy sections, to soft sadness, tender beauty, anger, confusion and power as it tells the story of a spaceship directed off course for 24 years drifting alone in space unable to get back home, wallowing in the pointlessness of life and trying to fill the gaps in their hearts with sex, science, memories and stories until only one remains, cursing existence and fate. Yeah, no happy endings here. But fuck me if I'm not going to write on this poem for my Masters. Listen if you're brave enough, if only to tell everyone that yes I have listened to a 30 minute song ;)

Best TV of the year

LOST



The six year saga of the greatest TV show of all time came to an end this year. And what an end it was. I cried like a fucking baby. Any show that so brazenly endorses spirituality and the afterlife like this one ended up doing gets a special place in my heart forevermore, right alongside The Matrix movies, and The Dark Tower books.

Survivor Heroes vs Villains and Nicaragua



The best season of Survivor took place this year when the show invited back the 10 best 'good guys' and the ten best 'bad guys' and had them play the game again. This season was off the charts with crazy strategising, blindsides, idiotic moves... and Amanda Kimmel. Sweet, sweet Amanda Kimmel. Oh Amanda, I would be the greatest 23 seconds of your life. Please call me??



Um.... better revise that down to 15 seconds.