1. Why do so many people feel the need to ask How much wood a woodchuck could chuck? Seriously, wouldn't the more pertinent question be Who gives a fuck?!
2. I have watched 16 out of 20 seasons of Survivor in the last 4-5 weeks. I have officially crossed the line into Nerd No Man's Land. I like it here actually, finally a place that feels like home.
3. Why are both Diet Coke and Coke Zero on the market?! Aren't they like, the same fucking thing?! No, I don't care about the piddling trifling differences someone will surely bring up in response to this. "One has a slight malty aftertaste". Me telling you to shut the fuck up also has a slight malty aftertaste.
4. The Republicans win the Mid Term US elections. Now watch as they govern EXACTLY like the Democrats and the stupid ass American public get pissed off at them, not realising their system is a giant fucking sham.
5. I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and thought a vicious dog was on top of me ready to attack for a good 10-15 seconds. Turned out to be a pillow. It was freaky though. Probably a mild form of that sleep paralysis thing where aliens come in and steal you away while you're totally paralysed. Sounds like a good time to me.
6. Shane Powers: If you betray me I will come to your shitty little apartment and fucking kill you!
Courtney: Hey! My apartment isn't little!
It's quotes like this that are the main reason you should be watching Survivor. :P
7. "The only way Rodger would win immunity is if the challenge was 'Name that Perry Como song' or 'What type of prune is this?'" - Rob Cesternino
Here is another :P
8. I love youse.
9. Fox News: Fair and Balanced. Like a black man being pelted with tomatoes by white people whilst standing on a 1 inch beam. Nice try Fox News.
10. I LOVE CRICKET SEASON!!! Watching every ball of a 5 day test is the absolute best way to distract you from the fact that you have no friends.
11. Last week I had the opportunity to eat steak 3 consecutive nights in a row. I copped out and ate Satay Chicken from Denny's instead. Dammit, I was so close to being a real man and then I copped out.
12. Alright now back to watching Survivor: China. ;)