Monday, October 4, 2010

Scott Rants About 'The Right to Not be Offended'

I was minding my own business the other day, wallowing in my own crapulence mostly. And then on the radio I hear... the most egregious horse manure that has ever laced the airwaves. "People have the right not to be offended" the talkback caller proclaimed with total and utter moral certitude.

WHAT?!

Look, since I don't know this for sure, I'm going to give you, Mrs Caller, the benefit of the doubt and believe that you are not a living breathing human being but an inanimate cyborg of stupidity programmed by the talkback radio station to fart out to most bafflingly incompetent soundbites of all time. Yes, that IS giving you the benefit of the doubt. Because otherwise I'd be forced to believe you are ACTUALLY a human being living on MY planet that has somehow managed to live long enough to reach adulthood in the most scathing indictment of the welfare system I have ever before witnessed.

People have THE RIGHT NOT TO BE OFFENDED?!?! Oh I get it. I see what's happened. I fell asleep last night and woke up in fucking mirror world where all my most hideous nightmares of dumb opinions come to horrific life and aurally molest me with their intransigence. Look you cannot possibly BE this stupid. I cant believe I actually have to point this out... but what offends you is SUBJECTIVE. That means you cant fucking legislate rights based on it you overwhelming nincompoop shithead. But I'll humor you. And then proceed to INTELLECTUALLY DECIMATE you with a flick of my proverbial wrist.

If people have the right not to be offended, then I have the right not to be offended. Your stupidity offends me. Therefore I demand you be outlawed from my ariwaves, removed from my society and deposited into someone else's jail system where you can rot in the filth of your own feculance. I have the right after all. Your stupidity is henceforth ILLEGAL. Oh, and talkback radio itself offends me. See ya. ABOLISHED. Being forced to work for a living offends me. Guess people will give me money for free now. Women turning me down offends me. Oh shit, sucks to be them, they cant say no to me now.

The dumb. It's everywhere.

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