Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Suggestions for the Nuske Amazing Race application

This entry may be meaningless to others, you have been forewarned. This entry is solely for the purpose of helping Troy and Michelle come up with a winning entry to get cast on The Amazing Race Australia using my brilliant mind.

1. Here's my first video suggestion. Play on the fact that you are both teachers. Show two scenes, with you in class getting harassed by your students, growing more and more insane. Then, you cant take it any more and film yourselves bolting out of class and running like hell away across the schoolyard. Then you both run into each other, introduce yourselves to the camera and beg into the camera for the producers of the Amazing Race to give you sweet escape from these kids. "Anywhere in the world will do!"

2. Play on the fact that you really cant stand each other ;) Make a video of you arguing like hell over anything, be it Sydney Roosters, Rabbitohs, Geelong, the fact that Troy smells. Show them the drama of your day to day lives, to convince them that you will be entertaining on the show, "How could we possibly co-exist? You'll have to pick us to find out!"

3. Incorporate the fact that you met each other on an overseas adventure, and thus are desperate to relive past glories by racing all around the world.

4. Every reality show needs EVIL VILLAINS. Make a video of you both being EVIL. Troy sneaks up behind a kid, steals his lollies and runs like hell away. Someone on the street asks Michelle for directions and she sends them halfway across town in the wrong way just for laughs. TROY AND MICHELLE CHECK IN TO A HOTEL AND TAKE THINGS FROM THE MINI BAR WITHOUT FILLING IN THE FORM AT CHECK OUT TIME. EVIL. Then you introduce yourselves, call yourself "The pure marriage of evil" and say you will do whatever it takes to smash those other couples if you're selected.

5. Make a complete cheese ball production of you both running in front of a screen that continually changes to reflect different Australian environments. How you will accomplish this is not my problem :P

6. An Amazing Team for an Amazing Race. Dress up as superheroes and emphasise how damn better you are than the average Aussie couple. You are AMAZING after all. :P

7. Troy, the resident Maths professor and his beautiful assistant Michelle stand in labcoats (not for any reason, but because labcoats make you look like professors) next to a blackboard with millions of equations scrawled on it. Say that your IMMENSE Maths knowledge has led to you formulate equations that will get you all across Australia faster and in means that your less educated opponents had ever dreamed of. Make up some bullshit about these equations that sounds awesome. "The coefficient of distance, denoted x minus the proportion of dumbness in our adversaries denoted y leads inexorably to a Nuske victory with extreme velocity!" Fuck I'm awesome.

8. Show Troy in a bar, dishevelled and drunk. Michelle then makes a public service announcement to the producers to give this poor man a reason to live by sending their ass around the world so fast that he wont have fucking time to be a drunken lout anymore. Hey, sometimes the truth works!

9. Arty advertisements are all the rage these days. Make a video that has NOTHING to do with either of you. Like show some snow capped landscapes, followed by a closeup of a toilet all the while a narrator talks about "the struggles inherant in modern capitalism". Then out of nowhere, cut to a screen that says "Pick Troy and Michelle Nuske for the Amazing Race". It's DARING. It's MEANINGFUL.

10. Show the producers how you will compete effectively using Troy's small stature. Show Michelle stowing Troy into the overhead compartment, and rolling him up behind the bed for easy storage. Say that with such an advantage, Michelle will only need to secure one ticket for every journey and will streak ahead of their more encumbered opposition.

You can thank me later ;)

1 comment:

  1. All I can say is for the love of God, pick number seven!! :)