Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Scott's Proxy Rant #3: Leggo's is going down

Welcome one. Welcome all. If all happens to be more than one. Which in the case of this blog is highly doubtful. Today we have another client... one who had a bad experience with some spaghetti sauce.

1. LEGGO'S

Alright so I was just MINDING MY BUSINESS and cooking up some serious fucking spag bol right? I mean seriously, up until that moment my day was just going fucking swimmingly. Then I grab the container of bitter destiny. Marked with the logo of Leggos. I pour that sum bitch evenly over my beautifully rendered and exquisitely drained SPAG BOL and sit down to eat. Hey wait... what are those white bits?? OH HELL FUCKING NO.

WHY?! WHY DID I NOT NOTICE UNTIL HALFWAY THROUGH THAT I WAS INGESTING MAGGOTS?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Look, I know what you fuckwits are thinking. "Why weren't you more observant?" Well gee, I don't know you complete dick faces, DO YOU FUCKING PERFORM DETAILED MAGGOT INSPECTION ON EVERYTHING YOU EAT BEFOREHAND?! When you sit down with your fucking poorly cooked fish fillets or whatever fucking shit you decided to actually get off your ass and fail to make properly, do you really go over it with a fine tooth comb just in case?? NO YOU DON'T. Because you expect these manufacturing SHIT GORILLAS to actually do their fucking jobs to a decent standard. Oh yeah, my 3 year old ate some too but that's not important, I mean kids eat worms in the backyard all the time. :P

Alright Leggo's you have made a powerful enemy today. You have NO IDEA of the power I can bring to bear to bring down your corporate dick licking asses. In fact my plans have already begun... I SIGNED UP YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE EMAIL ADDRESS TO PORNOGRAPHY SPAM!!! THAT'LL SHOW YOU!! You know, why cant you dickheads be more like your namesake, LEGO? Building blocks of fun, not building blocks of FUCKING INSECT LARVAE. And you have the GALL to offer me a fucking $15 dollar voucher as compensation. ON FEAR FACTOR THEY'D GIVE ME FUCKING $50,000 FOR THIS!! And you expect me to eat MORE LEGGO'S?! That's like me telling someone I got burned by jumping into a volcano and them giving me a voucher for more ALL EXPENSES PAID VOLCANO JUMPS. I hate this stinking world and every fucking maggot in it.

Alright I had fun with this one, hopefully it satisfies ;)

4 comments:

  1. very satisfying! although I may continue to eat toast for the rest of my life.

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  2. I think trauma such as this can only be relieved by hypnosis or long bouts of therapy ;)

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  3. "Sum bitch" - HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  4. Hahaha Juelles you're awesome ;)

    Writing these, you never can tell just which little things people reading are going to latch on to as a highlight. Most often they're not the parts I would have guessed :)

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