Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Scott's Proxy Rant #2: Business is Boomin'!

That's right so far I've kept to my goal. Four entries in four days!!

Today, my client is a Mr. Blanky McBlank Blank Blankerson, (name changed to protect identity) who lives in Sydney, Australia with his beautiful wife and his surly disposition. ;)

1. New people at work who think they're too good to fit in.

Look you egregious wankers you're going to listen to me and listen good. When I started teaching at this fucking hell hole of a school that I had to pretend to be Catholic to even get into, I realised it was going to be a struggle for my heathen ass to fit in. SO I TOOK MY LICKS. Do you think I WANTED to interact with half of these total losers?? For God's sake some of them actually LIKE TEACHING!! And even worse... SOME OF THEM TEACH ENGLISH. (Aside note from Scott: Yes, it pains me to write that... but the pay is good :))

So every fucking day I waltzed into Satan's testicle (otherwise known as 'The Staffroom') and sat down to eat my lunch amongst my colleagues attempting to engage them in conversation. Now of course, there were several things I would rather have been doing. Some of them include watching fucking paint dry, walking barefoot across broken fucking glass and selling my body on the street to 200kg women who would no doubt crush me into the fucking netherworld with their overwhelming obesity. BUT I DID IT NONETHELESS. I ASKED ABOUT THEIR FUCKING CHILDREN. I PRETENDED TO FUCKING CARE WHAT UTTER JOCKSTRAP RIPPING BULLSHIT THEY DID IN THE WEEKENDS. I PRETENDED NOT TO WANT TO THROW THEIR ASS INTO A FUCKING ACTIVE VOLCANO AFTER FOUR SHIT BAG WORDS THAT CAME OUT OF THEIR INSIGNIFICANT OLD MOUTHS.

And then... And fucking then you new teachers come in here, and think you can get away with NOT DOING THAT?! You dont talk to ANYONE. You eat lunch AT YOUR DESK UPSTAIRS. I'm sorry but no deal fuckface. You get your ass into Satan's testicle and fucking listen to what Mr. Smith's four year old did in the weekend until you want to gouge your own eyes out with pencils. Do you people think you're better than me?! FUCK. I HATE YOU ALL. You fuckwits better try and fucking socialise or I'll have you condemned to coaching the fucking chess team. Go eat shit newbies.

The number is 1-800-SCOTTRANTS. Cheap and easy at only 78.95 per minute!!

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