Monday, August 2, 2010

The first ever PROXY RANT

Alright people, today it's time for something a little different. I have realised that ranting about stuff I hate is good. But I have been missing an opportunity to make MILLIONS. All I have to do is start accepting offers for me to rant on things other people hate in their place!! They get emotional catharsis, and I get barrels of money. Probably. So here is the first official: Scott rants ON YOUR BEHALF. ;)

1. Lamewads pretending to be sick and screwing me over.

Look you people, am I the only one with even the slightest semblance of a fucking WORK ETHIC. From the looks of you mind stunted fucktards it seems that I'm the only one who understands the fact that if you don't work, YOU DON'T GET FUCKING PAID. Look, when you call in sick, it kind of defeats the pitiful transparent illusion that you are trying to create by BEING ON FACEBOOK ALL FUCKING DAY COMMENTING JOYFULLY ON STATUS UPDATES, FIDDLING WITH YOUR FUCKING FARM, MAFIA AND PRETENDING YOUR SHITTY CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR OTHER LAYABOUT FRIENDS ACTUALLY MEAN SOMETHING. All the while, some of us have actually sucked it up and gone and done the thing we're being paid to do. I hate every last one of you and I hope that whilst you're laying in your cosy bed with your nice lunch a few swine flu germs fly in there and actually make you sick. Because that would be delicious irony, you stayed home pretending to be sick, and actually got sick. All the while I'm at work, dealing with a bunch of snot nosed brats who think the world revolves around them and aren't interested in listening to a single fucking word I've got to say. I'm telling you, this world is going to FUCKING hell in a FUCKING handbasket. Because if you capitalise the 'fuckings' it just hammers home the FUCKING point.

2. Unsupportive spouses.

I tell you, they don't make marriage like they used to. Well actually, they never made marriage good, but that's me talking and I'm doing this for someone else so ignore that one :P You know, here I was when I was making my vows actually daring to think that your promise to support me through thick and thin ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING. And then you go and do... THIS. My entire life has been spent wishing violent death on the vile vile Sydney Roosters Rugby League team, who have existed only to spite my beloved Souths Bunnies and then you go and bet money on them to win the Premiership JUST TO ANNOY ME. Thus, if they don't win the premiership, WE'VE LOST MONEY. And if God forbid they do... THEN YOU'VE PROFITED FROM MY MISERY. Somehow when God was sitting on his cloud conceiving of the human institution of marriage, I DON'T THINK THIS IS WHAT HE HAD IN MIND. (Aside note from Scott: Fucking fuck knuckle Sydney Roosters can kiss my ass. They beat my Warriors in the 2002 grand final, thus denying us the glory that was rightfully ours.) You know, sometimes I wish that when you take the garbage out, you would just sit out there with it, and then the garbage truck could take your ass away too. I am NOT PLEASED.

There, hopefully I have done a good job. Remember, for all your ranting needs, dial 1-800-SCOTTRANTS. Thank you ;)

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