Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Desert Island Possessions

If you were stranded on a Desert Island and could only bring 5 possessions what would they be?

1. Ipod. I'm assuming desert islands have readily available power supplies so I can recharge it. Basically life without music is barely worth living.

2. Pen and Paper. You think the world is going to be spared from my expressive, mind boggling crap just because I happen to be marooned at the ass end of nowhere with only skinks and rats to keep me company? I DON'T THINK SO.

3. Hundreds of glass bottles. This goes along with number 2. Because otherwise only the people who crash land on the island and find my pieces of paper will be able to read my shit. This way I can set the fuckers loose on the sea and spread them to the four corners of the globe. That's right, China will end up with my message about how to best sautee rats. The West Coast of the U.S will end up with my rant about how island living is being ruined by modern consumerism. And Australia will end up with a copy of the treaty I signed with the natives entitled 'You fucking eat me and there'll be fucking hell to pay.'

4. Gun plus many bullets. Because basically I don't feel like hunting food with a knife. Too messy and it requires too much skill. This way, whenever I see a chicken, or a wild boar, or a rabbit or pretty much anything, I can lazily blow it to crap with my gun and then cook it for dinner.

5. Firestarters. Well duh. I refuse to rub sticks together. It's bad enough that I'm marooned on some stupid island with natives who want to eat me and no good looking girls in sight whom I could convince to restart the world's population. I am not lowering myself to rubbing sticks for hours on end with no fucking result. So I'm going for the matches, preferably one of those boxes where after it runs out of matches, new matches materialise from the spirit world.

There it is, my five items of choice. No doubt yours wont be nearly as awesome... but you can say tell me anyway.

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