Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Aliens #2

"They're made out of meat."


"Meat. They're made out of meat."


"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you; I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know: a carbon based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you: we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"There is a brain. The brain is made out of meat!"

"So what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"...and this is why the flying saucers are not landing. 'Cause we're so damn stupid! (applause and cheering) They know us. They know that if they hang out with us, sooner or later we're gonna take 'em out, get 'em drunk, beat the shit out of 'em, and take their damn saucer."

-the comedian, Gallagher

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